Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
