Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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