That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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