Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
they're like a gay fantastic four
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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