yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
