Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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