considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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