I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
