also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
