How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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