Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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