I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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