Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
