Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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