He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
