I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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