cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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