hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize