Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
