theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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