Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
