i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just forgot I was standing up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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