That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sext me about skeletons
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
