Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
