this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
