Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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