So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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