Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
