He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
