Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
