Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize