Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
