I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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