i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize