can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
