My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
