Is it because I queefed?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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