textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
