I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
