If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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