shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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