Just cropdusted the office
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
