just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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