lets start a swedish sibling band together
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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