I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
