I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
