Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize