so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
