Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
