Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dear god my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
