The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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