i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish there were birth control emojis
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
