he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
