a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
