If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
