I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
