look no pants
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
