I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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