I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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