In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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