Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
