how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize