Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
