i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
