he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
