there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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