If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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