she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
