Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
