i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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