Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
