Umm I'm too high to move.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you inspire me to be a worse person
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
